Us and Them

Many groups experience the "Us and Them" phenomenon.  You know, being treated differently because of the color of your skin, or your accent, or your gender, or your sexual orientation....It happens.  Unfortunately it is a reality in our world.  As a white male, I recognize my privilege.  I see it when I go to dinner with friends and the hostess directs all of questions and comments to me because I am the only white person in the group, or the only male.  I certainly don't want to generalize and say it happens all the time, but I am aware that that type or prejudice exists; assumptions being made based on the color of your skin, the gender that you present, your age, etc. 

Last night when I was walking around downtown with Johnny, he experienced that feeling.  We would walk by a restaurant as people were looking out the window.  They would smile at me and when they saw Johnny they would look away.  Johnny hasn't shaved in a while; probably because he does not have consistent access to facilities.  He hasn't washed his clothes in a while; probably because there is no washer and dry under the bridge he calls home.  In many people's eyes, Johnny is always "them".  Those other people.  The ones not like us.  We often draw a line between ourselves and those who are homeless.  Again, the assumption from uninformed people is that homeless people have somehow chosen their lot in life; that they somehow deserve to be homeless because of choices they have made or things they have done in their past. 

A few months back, I was working with a young lady (we'll call her Carrie) that was a commercial sex worker; a prostitute.  Carrie began offering sex to strangers for money when she was 16 years old.  She lived in a camp in central Oklahoma City and when we began to discuss how she could move from the streets into her own home, she really balked at the idea.  We talked all the time about how difficult life was for her on the streets, so I didn't understand why she was so resistant to talking about housing.  She said what I often hear from the community and even service providers;  She said "I choose to be homeless".  It has been my experience that most people that say, "I choose to be homeless" actually mean they don't think they deserve anything better.  After talking with Carrie about it for some time, she revealed that she felt unworthy of help.  She said she didn't deserve a better life.  She said that she chose to be a prostitute and therefore she deserved to be treated as less than.  I, of course, don't buy into that.  I believe all people have value.  I believe all people should have the opportunity to have a better life.  Carrie finally said the thing that really moved me.  When I asked her about why she began in the sex trade, she said "It is the only thing my mother ever taught me how to do."  We want to blame her for experiences in life.  We want to label her "them".  I think it makes "us" feel better about our choices and experiences. 

There's really no "us" and "them", only "we".

Much Love
Jonathan